ANGER MANAGEMENT
By Mickey Skidmore, ACSW
For some time now I have found myself increasingly aware of being unsettled and uneasy about this “catch-phrase” expression which has made its way into the vernacular of our culture. In fact, I’m pretty sure that I’m down right ticked-off about it.
A day does not go by without everyday people referring to it: “I’ve got ‘anger management’ issues.” And I wonder what does that mean? … exactly? Are you irritable because of PMS? Are you saying you have a temper? You had a tiff with your significant other? You’re mad because you came out on the losing end of business deal? You stubbed your toe on the corner of the end table and you started cussing like a sailor? Your team didn’t win? Does anyone besides me ever wonder about this?
To me, this seems like another step in our evolving process to further erode any sense of self-responsibility. Think about it. Everybody gets angry from time to time for one reason or another. It is an unavoidable part of the human experience. I suppose this expression helps us to dissociate ourselves from being responsible for the increasingly inappropriate, destructive, unhealthy and violent ways that we express and release our angry feelings.
Perhaps this “catch-phrase” expression acknowledges that we are actually socializing ourselves to be an increasingly angry and hostile society. There are plenty of sociological observations and trends that would lend itself to such a theory. The absence of father’s in the family system, the devaluation of boys in our culture, and the level of violence in movies, TV, video games are but a few that come to mind, which negatively impact our developmental socialization process and model for us how to express angry emotions. As a result, our society is becoming ruder, increasingly short-tempered, disrespectful, irresponsible, angry and violent.
Another aspect of this that really ticks me off is the recent development of court systems attempting to address this issue. In their sentencing, Judges are requiring people to get Anger Management, or attend Anger Management programs at mental health clinics. And once again, I have to wonder … what does that mean? … exactly? The conclusions I reach are that Judges are woefully misinformed. They seem to have bought into the oversimplified notions of the medical model. They must think that therapists have a magic ‘Anger Management” bullet like physicians have pills for nearly any ailment they encounter. Not that this isn’t an opportunity for someone to develop some type of service and capitalize on this trend, but in all my experience in the mental health field, I am unaware of any specific ‘Anger Management’ protocol. What I see mental health practitioners do in these situations is teach them a layman’s version of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy techniques. The other variable in this scenario, is the state is shutting down mental health clinics. They are simply no longer willing to pay for such a service – especially if you happen to be an adult. (This is however, a topic unto itself).
Mental health patients too have found it all too easy to buy into trappings of the over simplified medical model. Everyone today thinks they suffer from a biological disorder of the brain. And if not that, any diagnostic label or diagnosis will do. “I have ‘anger management’ issues because I’m bipolar” … or alcoholic … depressed … anxious … or because I’m personality disordered – as if such a condition absolves them of any responsibility when they become angry and express their emotions inappropriately. It is easier to blame the disorder or condition rather than take responsibility for ones actions. And now we have this expression: “Anger Management” that makes it all that much easier. And so, they would rather request drugs to sedate and manage these emotions rather than learn alternative ways to express their anger.
Let’s think this through a little further. First, what does it say about our society that we are turning to therapists to teach adults coping skills and how to express anger appropriately rather than parents teaching their children these tools during their development – associated with the values they choose to instill? Secondly, when people reach adulthood, after years of antisocial modeling and influence, what do they realistically expect therapists to do?
The recent movie “Anger Management” is yet another reflection of how this “catch-phrase” has made its way into our cultural awareness. However, I believe the movie was a tongue and cheek portrayal which used the vehicle of comedy to expose some of the deeper and more relevant issues touched upon in this article. After all, laughter is one of the best medicines when dealing with anger.
I submit the underlying crisis is not about anger at all, but rather a fundamental lacking and dearth of responsibility. Children (boys especially) receive powerful messages about responsibility (or the lack of it) when their father’s are not in their lives. And it is a disservice to teach children that the reason they “showed their ass” was because of their ‘conduct disorder.’ Anger in and of itself is not a negative or bad thing. It is an emotional resource available to us like love, joy, mastery, confidence and others. What and how we choose to express this emotion determines whether is good or bad. The issue is rooted in our decision making and critical thinking processes (another dimension of our socialization process which is eroding) – the choices we make in any given situation – not the anger itself.
While our society may be growing increasingly angry, ‘anger management’ is nothing more than a passing, superficial cultural fad. The real problem that we avoid is the gradual disappearance of the value of self-responsibility. And if that is not enough to make you angry …
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